The theme that the Universe has been showing me over the weekend is the word "Enabling".... I wasn't entirely sure what it meant, so I had to look up the meaning of enabling so I could find out what the Universe was trying to show me...
Enabling, when I look it up, actually means "Empowering".
But when we enable other behaviours, it becomes not so empowering..there is a fine line between "helping" and "enabling"..
By doing things for others, especially when they are more than capable to do them for themselves, we are enabling a deeper behaviour in them creating beliefs that "I can't do it, I'm not good at doing it" or even worse...."others will just do it for me.."
As a parent, I played around with the concept of enabling over the weekend. And if, subconsciously, I overstepped my role as teacher and helper into enabling, I swiftly got the message in my head...."you are enabling again.." which allowed me to stop..
So when my daughter wanted me to make her bed, I had two choices. I could do it for her (enabling) or I could TEACH her how to do it (helping.)
When she yelled at me that I wasn't helping her, I kindly showed her all the ways I was helping her.
I was showing her how to put the fitted sheet on...but I didn't do it for her...
I was showing her how to do the pillow slips...but I didn't do it for her...
By doing this I found that there are so many ways that we can help others by "showing them"....by being the example and instructing on the tips and processes that make it easier for us to do something....
But giving the person the feeling of value, ability and self worth by letting them do it by themselves...with your "help"..
I'm looking at other ways I can help others, without "enabling".. in particular with my children and family, but also I can see that this is what is so powerful about my work...
I love sharing how we can deal with situations through stories, experiences or simply by being the example.
But for each person on this Earth to become empowered, it is a personal journey of self discovery, self pride and the ultimate in self love... knowing that someone is there to "help" and support with love and tools for them to use, but for them to embrace the journey of self discovery...
I am loving witnessing watching others blossom and grow through this level of self love, self pride and awareness that they can really do anything! This is the essence of each of the journey's I have taken people on....the recent 21 Day Spiritual Journey and now the 12 week Divinely Guided Journey... the ultimate in self discovery & awareness for self empowerment...we really CAN do and BE anything when we are empowered, not enabled...
You will know when you are enabling others because:
- you will feel tired, burnt out and resentful of all the responsibility you have taken on
- you put others needs before your own
- you feel responsible for others physical, emotional or spiritual wellbeing
- others are blaming you for not "helping them" and making you responsible for their problems and issues
- help is not acknowledged or appreciated by others
- fear of confrontation if you say NO or that the person won't speak to you anymore or leave you
- lying to cover up for yours or others mistakes
- ignoring your own and others unacceptable behaviour
- not allowing others (and yourself) to take responsibility for problems...
- allowing others and self to be victims of circumstance
So try it.... start to empower others around you not by enabling them by doing it for them, but by supporting their inner growth of learning and potential to be the best that they can be and helping the best way you know how.
Being there without giving the answer, but teaching how to get the answer for themselves. Giving space, time and energy in the teaching but allowing THEM to come up with the answers, the hows...and guiding them if they become stuck with new ways that they may have not tried yet..
But not doing it for them.
The result will be a planet full of people who feel fulfilled, happy and self sufficient....not enabled, not blaming or expecting others to do it for them, but the self satisfaction that they have DONE it for themselves...
Its really beautiful to witness and to be a part of someone's connection to self love & joy xo